When I was younger, I didn’t understand rejection. All I knew was that it hurt and that I wanted to hate whoever rejected me. I never understood feelings in general. I just knew what I wanted, who I wanted, and that most of the times I wouldn’t find either. Today I learned a lot about rejection, and trying to rationalize feelings. It’s pointless and impossible.
I got rejected today by the only person I would ever call my “dream girl”. There was nothing about her that didn’t leave me absolutely swooning and yearning for more. She blamed it on circumstances, citing distance and being hung up on someone from her past. Typically, I’d want to shun her and hate her with everything in me, but I learned something today. There’s no logic in your feelings. We as humans are instinctively inclined to do what comes naturally through our emotions, be it love, anger, fear, or happiness. It’s this genetic makeup that makes me want this girl, and it’s the same genetic makeup that makes me want to be over her. I can’t be angry at someone for doing what comes naturally.
I went back to Lake Michigan tonight and just paced back and forth, telling myself all of the great things about her, and all of the great things about myself. It was nice to feel more hopeful than hopeless. Last time I was at Lake Michigan, I wanted to jump in and sink like a stone. Tonight I wanted to walk on the waves.
I am going to conquer this world, one rejection at a time.
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